Hi and thank you for allowing me to ask you,
I have a couple of issues. I am 47 and a male. I have been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, general anxiety and panic something. I struggle focusing so reading is a tough one – I can read but it takes a long time.
I binge eat and sometimes have issues about my body but I have never been diagnosed with anything.
I take anti-depressants, anti-anxieties, I go to individual therapy with a psychologist, group therapy (it is sort of ACT) and I have a psychiatrist. I have had 7 ECT treatments. They stopped them because he said they were not working or having any affect on me.
I keep getting feedback or comments that the professionals are confused by me. I don’t seem depressed. I guess they mean I am not catatonic or silent. I can laugh at funny things, I can talk when needed and I can be polite when called for. I still have incredible bouts of loneliness, depression, fears and suicidal thoughts. I just can’t get over (this is another anxiety issue I guess…) them saying I am not typical of depression. It makes me think they don’t believe me or that I should be something that I am not.
One of my major worries is that people don’t like me and that I am not likable. So I have a severe issue about my behavior. I act out. I say things that are not appropriate – always as a joke and very rarely do I actually insult a person but I don’t seem to know how to control myself. I don’t know what this is either. It is like I can’t have clean thoughts and ideas that are not twisting or analyzing everything.
I can have suicidal thoughts and laugh out loud at a stand up comedian on TV but I think I am not sick enough for the professionals. I don’t know how to address this to my therapist and it makes me wonder if I am doing anything correctly.