I just got back from the psychiatrist. He wants me to take clomipramine nightly now instead of every other night.
I told him that I have basically resigned myself that the rest of my life will be spent in this depressed and nervous fog. Even if I ever got a girlfriend, I will probably not be able to perform sexually.
My group therapy ended several hours ago. I spent some time after the meeting bullshitting with group members then drove home. I stopped to get some chicken and started setting up to do my P90X YogaX
I began to think about the events of the group. I had been open about my depression and anxiety. Well, more open then I had been before. I discussed my loneliness and how towards the end of the day I became more depressed.
As I thought about the events the thoughts began to fire and they began to fire the depression. The thoughts themselves turned towards depression. I can’t explain it.
When you have pride in yourself, you will quite normally love others. I don’t mean romantic love or even brotherly love but love of others as they are, as they exist. This love of others is demonstrated through natural kindness and willingness to not only forgive, but to help others overcome their trespasses.
Mistakes no longer matter, they are just opportunities for you to contribute to the betterness of the world, of the community and to you own self. Your I will become a better I when you assist instead of blame.
I am compassionate, I am forgiving, I am loving, I am hopeful and I hope to guide others through both good times, and difficult times.